Whispers and Lies

“I am a bad Mom.” Oh friends, I have heard and felt this SO MUCH lately. I get it! I can feel like a failure in this area too. Before I continue down this trail, will you look at something with me? So, the other day I got a coffee from my favorite little place. I love it for so many reasons, the convenience that it is on the way in my daily routine, the music playing, the friends who work there & obviously the coffee! I also cannot love enough that they often put little messages of hope, inspiration & sometimes just pretty pictures on their cups!!! Well, the other day I got my morning cup of transition & reward for making it that far. Then off to work for the day, when I got my cup stuck in my cup holder & spilled. The message on my cup was faith > fear. The thing is, now that my cup isn’t this perfect, untouched cup, it is now so much more beautiful to me to see that even during and after the storm it still stands strong as faith is greater than fear. I wonder if that is a tiny example of how God looks at us, as we are in our storms & as we spill a little. I wonder if that is his heart smiling as we commit to still imperfectly loving others.

Okay, back to this feeling that seems to be circulating of feeling like a bad mom. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this in the last few weeks. I feel this pain myself, but also have to say my heart breaks to hear so many people are feeling this and here is why:

Oh Mamas, Moms, Mommies, Mothers, (ME, I need this reminder too!), let me ask you this, would you ever say to your kids that they were a bad kid just because they are experiencing extreme pressure & are doing the best they could? We put so much pressure on ourselves (shoot, so does society), but the truth is, we need to allow ourselves the grace we would give our kids. We never tell our kids they are bad or failing, so why do we expect better than our best from ourselves? We are human too. We need grace, forgiveness, compassion and love too.

It feels like, with all the added pressure in this COVID-19 time to do all the things without going anywhere for all the things. Ugh, us moms are feeling the pressure of we cannot win!

Do school.

Do work.

Do playful time.

Do Pinterest-perfect meals.

Do assign chores.

Do be there emotionally.

Do healthy meals at home.

Do keep things tidy.

Do save your money.

Do support local businesses.

Do drive thru & pick up orders to support restaurants.

Do walks.

Do learn a new hobby.

Do get fresh air & outside time.

Do come out of this as a productive, efficient person.

Do be a voice for your kids in these days.

Do not stress.

Do not let kids feel the pressure of these strange times.

Do not worry.

Do not hoard.

Reading this list of some of our “do’s and do not’s” reminds me of a game we were forced to play in childbirth class. We had cards with different aspects of our “dream birth plan” written out. The instructor slowly walked us through scenarios, and as she did, she made us remove cards each time, until we were down to only a few cards. Oh, I hated this game, bye-bye control! But you know what? It forced me to see what ultimately mattered. In the end of the game, all we all really cared about was a healthy baby & healthy mom. The rest of the plan to avoid meds or labor while walking around or get a good back rub did not matter, all that mattered was safety. I have looked back on this experience so many times as things in my life are beyond my control. I have seen time & again. I do not have to control the details of this life, that isn’t my job. I can celebrate that we are still safe, we are together & we love as imperfectly as we do.

With Mother’s Day approaching, there are probably some of us who want to skip it this year. We want to just pretend it is another day. We want to remove the pressure or guilt feeling that we are not doing it, so let’s just not think about it. There are others of us that may want to be fully celebrated for surviving to this point. We may need to feel heard and acknowledged with coffee or flowers or gifts or more coffee. 😉 There may be others of us that had a crazy load of stuff going on before all this COVID-19 craziness hit, that could leave us feeling we both want to hide and feel celebrated. And all of these are okay. Wherever we are at is okay & where we need to be.

To quote one of my favorite movies, Mom’s Night Out, “Let me tell you something girl. I doubt the good Lord made a mistake, giving your kiddos the Mama He did. So, you just be you. He will take care of the rest.” If you haven’t seen this movie, I cannot recommend it enough. I LOVE it, my kids love it, in fact it is time to watch it again! If you want a preview of this little clip I referenced, check it out here or check out the whole movie because you will not regret it AND it will have you laughing out loud!

I believe “Mom’s Night Out” got it right. You are the right Mama for your kids! So I am here to tell you, don’t let the little lies sneak in saying otherwise or when they do, remind yourself of these truths: The fact you are struggling with this pressure means you are doing this mom gig well. You care. You love. You give everything you have. And yes, sometimes you respond out of exhaustion & stress, but that does not make you a bad mom. You keep going, keep trying, keep starting over so you are demonstrating well how to be a real, genuine mom & ultimately how to be a loving mom who does not give up in the hard.

The book of Proverbs is full of to the point wisdom. As we are reminded in Proverbs 12:25 that “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.” I feel like this COVID-19 craziness is creating so much anxiety as people have so many more expectations dumped on them. We all have the power to use our kind words or actions to cheer up another. I have been on the receiving end of this several times with neighbors who make me not feel bad for asking for help, a compliment from a stranger at a store or restaurant, and I am completely humbled (to the point where I sometimes wonder if I look like a huge mess) by how many times I have been on the receiving end of the person in front of me buying my coffee (shhh, or maybe I just frequent the coffee lines a LOT). I love this reminder that we all have the power to lift another. I am cheering for you friends! You are right where you are supposed to be!

GIVEAWAY:

To help celebrate you, I am giving away a “Grateful” temporary tattoo AND a $10 gift certificate to The Front Porch Coffee in Lincoln, Nebraska (if you are not in Lincoln & win, I am sure I have another coffee treat for you). To enter the drawing: like this blog post, share it with friends & send me an email at lovethismessylife6.8@gmail.com letting me know you want to be in the celebrating moms drawing by Wednesday, May 6th 2020. You do not have to be a mom to enter this drawing. In fact, the power of a good friend is worth far more than you may know, so if you are encouraging the moms in your life, you are welcome to enter!

You are doing so well, so keep it up! Squash those whispers trying to pull you down! Until next time friends!

CREDITS:

Coffee wisdom shared from my friends at The Front Porch Coffee in Lincoln, Nebraska.

WARNING:

I believe in safe space for everyone. If this post isn't your thing, no big deal, just move on. I am sure you will find that thing that you are passionate to encourage others about. Any negative comments will be removed.