Social Isolation 2.0

You know that feeling you have right now? The feeling of isolation… maybe a longing to be around others, maybe a deep desire for some friend time, maybe just wanting someone who is safe to cry with, or maybe you are just wanting a friend to laugh with about the little somethings just because you both needed the laugh. I have a request; would you focus on this feeling you are having while you imagine this:

Imagine, what if this time of social isolation, social distancing, physical distancing, whatever you want to call it… what if this is not a first for someone close to you? What if they have been in this place before? But unlike now, they were not able to freely talk about it with the community at large. What if they truly were alone? There wasn’t an entire, community, state, country, continent & world all doing the same along with them. What if it was just ONE person?

What if the ONE person tried to reach out, but it wasn’t understood as a need? What if the ONE person was left feeling like they were to blame for having this need of a friend to sit in their hard with them? What if they were left feeling they must be too needy? Or if they were left feeling they were the problem?

As I think about this, I know this is reality to so many fleeing abusive situations. I know people have been suffering, without knowing why, that something had just seemed off. I know people, after more interventions than can be counted, have made the hard choice to leave for physical and emotional safety for themselves, their children & grandchildren to come. These people are my heroes! These people have faced more life-hard than many people can ever understand. These people survived being told they were the crazy one & the problem. These people survived being controlled and blamed for every minute and every aspect of their life. These people had (and likely still do) their name smeared to anyone & everyone who would listen. These people slowly watched their friend circles & support systems diminish. Why are these people my heroes? Because they are SURVIVORS!

So many groups of people jump into my mind as people who are in round two (or really, 3, 4 or 5,821) of social isolation. This is the reality for many kids from trauma. We were all the most venerable when we were children. We were all dependent on others for our needs to be met. What about those whose needs went unmet or weren’t met consistently as a child, even as a young infant? What does that teach these children as they grow into adults? As a small child they may have learned life skills of making a sandwich or cheese on a tortilla or how to clean up after a partying parent or how to be unseen in unsafe situations that were around them. These people are my heroes! These little (maybe now big) people faced indescribable circumstances AND THEY SURVIVED! If this is you & you are reading this, please know that you are not alone, you have incredible value & you are my hero!

As I think about this, I know this is the reality for many suffering from mental health struggles & depression. I know people have been suffering alone. I know people sometimes don’t seek help, BUT what if the truth is, after countless times of seeking an understanding ear, they AGAIN were denied? What if the friend time, or support system help, that took them so much courage to even admit they needed, was ignored or denied for the 439th time? To all the people battling mental or visibly unseen health struggles, you are my hero! You conquer a world that can’t see the mountains you have been facing on your own. You still forge through with hope that one day it won’t be this hard. Your strength is one that can’t be measured by pounds lifted or number of push-ups in a minute; no, your strength is far greater than one that can be quantified! You are a SURVIVOR!

If you made it this far, first let me say thank you for allowing me pour my heart out to you & for imagining with me! Now comes the hard part, I challenge us all to think about why is it that we don’t blame any of us in this current social isolation we are all in? Silly question, right?! But here is the problem, we do, knowingly or not, blame those who made the beyond-difficult decision to leave an unsafe relationship, or who are battling depression, or who are fighting for a new start, free of unsafe habits. We do this when we make excuses to not be there for them. We do this when we say "no" to consecutive requests for our time. And sometimes we do this knowingly, thinking they made their choice & I have my life... Why do we not sit with people in their seasons of life’s hard? Why do we pretend we are the healthy ones by having “boundaries” with people who need a listening ear in the season they are in? I am NOT saying boundaries are bad, but I am saying at some point we need to realize what we are communicating in these "boundaries". Maybe one of the benefits of this crazy world of isolation we are in, is that we can all gain a little empathy for others. We are getting a small glance into other’s daily lives where being isolated is their norm. What is the difference? We are not being blamed & emotionally shamed. We are not being physically abused or neglected. While we may be physically limited access to friends or extended family, we are not denied all access (phone, FaceTime, text, virtual hangout, etc.) to these people. We know this isolation is temporary, yet this may be the closest (let’s hope it is the closest) we get to understanding on a personal level the hard realities for others who are isolated from everyone an abuser doesn't allow or a medical condition doesn't allow, or for children who are dependent on their caretaker.

I haven’t mentioned it here yet, but those that know me, know I am also a lover of coffee! Let me share with you some wisdom shared with me on a cup of coffee:

"Love like Jesus"

I honestly can’t love this enough! Do you know why? Because Jesus loves us in all the ugly, hard, hidden, challenging & messy places. My challenge to all of us, try loving like Jesus in one new area we haven’t been brave enough to take that step into, or in a new area that is way out of our comfort zone. Let’s check back in & let me know the way you are growing in empathy & compassion for others.

Until next time, friends!

Note to anyone who recognizes they may fall into any of the situations mentioned above:

My Dear Heroes,

You are not alone! We all go through this life & receive scars from situations beyond our control. You are loved. You are valued. And you are my hero! Sending my love from here.

Love,

Brynn

CREDITS:

Coffee wisdom shared from my friends at The Front Porch Coffee in Lincoln, Nebraska.

WARNING:

I believe in safe space for everyone. If this post isn't your thing, no big deal, just move on. Any negative comments will be removed.